Gripedujour

New rumor is that that the McCain team is pushing for a pre-election wedding between Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston. I just don’t believe it but here’s the story:

Inside John McCain’s campaign the expectation is growing that there will be a popularity boosting pre-election wedding in Alaska between Bristol Palin, 17, and Levi Johnston, 18, her schoolmate and father of her baby. “It would be fantastic,” said a McCain insider. “You would have every TV camera there. The entire country would be watching. It would shut down the race for a week.”

There is already some urgency to the wedding as Bristol, who is six months pregnant, may not want to walk down the aisle too close to her date of delivery. 

As I’ve said before I think there is no way this happens, but I guess you never know.

Bristol Palin is a pot head. (You know, I’m really starting to like this girl: high school drop out, man stealing skank, drunk, knocked up, pot head? Oh yeah, she’s a keeper.)

Anyhow, the National Enquirer has more dirt on the prom queen’s offspring and as per usual, it ain’t keeping with the whole “I’m a mom… Rah, rah, Family Values” tip they’re pitching to the American voters.

The lowlights:

Video? Now when will that come about? Enquiring minds wanna know, bitch!

My newest favorite white-trash soap opera just got another installment. In this episode we steer away from druggie hoodlum brother Track, and refocus on sister Bristol. Turns out that in addition to being a drunk and a knocked-up high school drop out, just like her baby daddy, Bristol Palin is a man stealing bitch.

For the complete skinny click here.

After the jump: a collection of more fake naked pictures of Sarah Palin floating around the interwebs— if you’re into that sort of thing.

However they’re not for kids (and mildly stupid), so think before you click.

Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s some fucking family values for you. In the form of more dirt from the new National Enquirer story, this time about Bristol and Sarah:

And as Gov. Palin has billed the state of Alaska for various expenses related to her children, as reported by The Washington Post, The ENQUIRER’s investigation reveals that she was so incensed by 17-year-old Bristol’s pregnancy that she banished her daughter from the house.

Another family friend revealed pre-prego Bristol was as much of a hard partier as Track was.
 
“Bristol was a huge stoner and drinker.  I’ve seen her smoke pot and get drunk and make out with so many guys. All the guys would brag that the just made out with Bristol.”

 When Sarah found out the teen was pregnant by high schooler Levi Johnston, she was actually banished from the house.  As part of the cover-up, Palin quickly transferred Bristol to another high school and made her move in with Sarah’s sister Heather 25 miles away!

For Bristol Palin drinking pics, click here.

We now join our favorite new drama already in progress. In the latest installment of “The Palins– America’s Favorite White Trash Family” we focus on the ongoing parenting skills of Trailer Park Sarah as she navigates her way through affairs, teenage pregnancy, drunk daughters, lies about her own career, and a drug addled son.

Seems the liberal, elitist National Enquirer has more dirt on the prom queen and her brood.

Despite Tall Tale Sarah telling the world about her angel, Track and his heroic endeavor to enlist and ship off to Iraq, a more honest storyline is emerging. The scuttlebutt for days has been that Track is off to Iraq to avoid jail time for being such a fuck-up. Now the Enquirer brings down the hammer!

Seems Track (in addition to having a ridiculously stupid name) has quite a rep for partying with people who like to shoot their mouths off and the Enquirer was all-to-happy to jot down the dirt.

For the rest of the story and direct quotes from Track’s Clown Shoes Wearing Posse CLICK HERE.

…In reverse order of truthiness. 

1. Track Palin joined the Army to avoid jail time for drugs.

The skinny:  Wasilla is the “meth capital of Alaska.” There are rumors Track was one of three unnamed teenagers charged with vandalizing 44 school buses while drunk. The neat dirt here is that the prom queen made her son’s military service a key part of her acceptance speech. Add this to her knocked up teenage daughter and you’ve got a conservative base that will have to kick it into Super-Heavy-Denial-Gear to keep up the family values bullshit.

2.Levi Johnston will not marry Bristol Palin. 

This one is a slam-dunk (in the you know, non-Bush Iraq War kinda way.) There is no chance on earth that this kid’s parents will force him to get married at age 18 and move off to Washington DC with some teenage alcoholic slut and her deranged parents. After Nov 4 there is ZERO chance of this wedding happening. It’s just more GOP bullshit.

3.Sarah Palin is a rude, bitch. Or As McCain likes to call his wife, “a cunt.”

This isn’t even really a rumor is it? This is just a fucking fact. No real need to type up any snappy patter on this one. She’s speaks for herself— when McCain let’s her.

I know left out the affair rumors, and the racist stuff, and the naked pictures but that’s old shit. If you’re interested in those oldies but goodies hit the links here, here, and here.

Couple days back a story broke that hot and slutty VP choice Sarah Palin had an affair with one of her husband’s former business partners. McCain threatened big time, rich boy legal shit and pretended it was all nonsense. Now comes word that this “ex-business partner” has just filed an emergency motion to have his divorce records sealed! Yikes!

Skeletons much, bitch?

The drama we all loved for years has been canceled. “The Clintons” will no longer be seen on this channel so that we may bring you the never-ending escapades of America’s newest white-trash political family, “The Palins”— Teenage Pregnancy! Drunk Kids on the Loose! Naked Pictures! Mad Affairs! Rednecks Aplenty! The Trailer Park’s Never Been So Much Fun!

Poor bastards. The prom queen is under fire for nude pics, adulterous affairs, a drunk knocked up daughter, and oh yeah, she’s not even close to being qualified! Oh well.

So what do those whining bitches at the GOP have in return? Obama’s stage sucked!

This from a group of people who can’t even tell the difference between Walter Reed Hospital and a Junoir High School.

Here’s their weak-ass ad. Watch once, puke, repeat.

By now you’re familiar with the National Enquirer story that Princess Palin has been foolin’ around. Well, here’s the guy the National Enquirer thinks has been banging the prom queen. His name is Brad Hanson and here are some basic stats on the man from Palmer, Alaska:

Re-elected October 2005, with current term ending October 2008.

Council Member Hanson was elected by the City of Palmer voters to serve in October of 2002 and re-elected October 2005. His current term ends in October 2008.

Is facial hair, like mandatory in the state of Alaska? We know Bristol’s baby daddy favors the look. If Palin is elected will we all be forced to give up our liberal abortions, have pregnant teenage daughters and ordered to get down with the chin pubes?

Forget naked pictures of Sarah Palin, stories of adultery, and pics of her drunk daughter. For something really salacious (and semi-sick) watch as Barack Obama sits down with a Fox “News” sexual predator for an “interview”.

For reasons only known to God, you can see a real-live whore chaser and adulterer who has an affinity for rubbing Greek food all over women’s vaginas not only act as though he deserves to be sitting with a historic figure like Barack Obama, but seems as smug as a guy with a dildo “shaped liked a cock” up his butt.

Forget the Bristol Palin pictures. Check out the mom! I’ve heard that the B&W one may actually be Julia Louis Dreyfus

But the color one is clearly the Governor of Alaska and symbol to family values women everywhere.

Update: More And Better Sarah Palin naked pictures here.

Watching Fox “News” valiantly defend the idea of teenage pregnancy, family privacy and “kids being off-limits” these last few days, got me thinking about the OTHER recent teenage pregnancy that swept the nation this past year: Jamie Lynn Spears.

So, I decided to do a little informal study. Results below:

Here’s Fox “News” viewers on Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy:

“It’s obvious that the Spears family is out of control.”

“I believe that Jamie-Lynn should be fired from Zoey 101.”

“This sends a really bad message to a generation of already sluttified young girls.”

“Seems if the parents were more in control of their children these days, these kind of mistakes may not be happening.”

“Teenage pregnancy is not normal …”

“If our children were actually PARENTED instead of parents’ trying the buddy-buddy route with their children…her mom should feel shamed by this.”

I could go on, but you get the idea.

Now, let’s take a look at what Fox “News” viewers had to say about Bristol Palin’s pregnancy:

“(Bristol) should be congratulated for accepting this responsibility.”

“(Bristol) is a beautiful girl…..and deserves to have this time as a private moment.”

“I feel that it’s not the mistakes your children make that questions your parenting skills”

“The Palins have a everyday problem an they chose to handle it the way thay all see fit an it is not any of our concern except for support .”

“Yes, her daughter is pregnant….I think the fact that they are supporting their daughter with love and sound advice speaks a lot to their devotion to their children.”

Again, you get the idea.

Uh-huh. The incredible thing is that these people actually believe themselves to be “Fair and Balanced”. What do you think? Let me know in the comments…

Anyhow, having now spent WAY TOO much time on the FOX “News” site, I gotta go burn my computer and grab a Silkwood shower.

Seems Grandpa Simpson’s Prom Queen ain’t much of a mother after all.

Now, don’t get me wrong, having your teenager daughter get knocked up isn’t in itself the sign of a failed mother. Why, just look at Britney Spears’ mother and teenager daughter Jamie Lynn. Who among us could say that Britney’s mom didn’t do a great job?

No, that’s not it at all. Unfortunately the failed sportscaster turned politican has long since preached her beliief in eschewing sex-education in the schools of Alaska in favor of what? You guessed it, teaching ABSTINICE. How that work out for her? Um, not so well. The Palin people today announced that Sarah Palin’s 17 year old daughter is, in fact, sperminated.

Will Republicans aknowledge that their VP in go-go boots perfeclty illustrates yet another failed GOP idea? Can they see that they now have a poster child for the failure of abstinence preaching teaching as an effective policy against unwanted pregnancy? Or will they admit instead that Palin simply sucks as a mom? I mean, which is it?

Side note: Anyone care to guess what Rush Limbaugh, et al would say if in a few years Michelle Obama’s daughter turned up as a pregnant, unwed teenager? Cue the FOX “News” graphics and the “Baby Daddy” slurs.

Remind me, is hypocrisy a family value? ‘Cuz I know picking up dudes in bathroom stalls is. And of course, so is whore chasing and pill popping.